Sandy Hook

Sandy Hook

Sunday, May 23, 2010

When Insults Had Class


There's been a lot of talk lately about civility, or the lack thereof. Most of us have probably seen at least a portion of these classy insults but they remain a fun read and may even cause us to come up with something more creative than "eff you."

You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.

Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

20 comments:

  1. The insult with a smile on your face is the best for me. It's dumb ass golfers who think they are very special I get the most pleasure from insulting.

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  2. These are so funny! I think the Brits have the best humor, don't you?

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  3. Thanks for sharing these, they are very good and gave me a laugh.. that's always a good thing.

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  4. I channel Oscar Wilde quite often myself. My favorite spin is:

    There are two ways to dilike blogs. One is to dislike blogs. The other is to read American Power.

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  5. Churchill's are the ones that come to mind most often.Great one, Leslie!

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  6. I can't take credit for this - a friend sent it to me via email, so we can thank him.

    One Fly: Watch it. I used to be one of those avid dumb-ass golfers. ; )

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  7. That's just it - with the smile they don't have a clue there was an insult thrown. It's just caddyshack shit. Inside yuks.

    I am sure you were always on excellent behavior.

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  8. Hmmm, I bet if you followed Truth around, you'd get a whole new perspective! I always tried to position myself so I'd be the last one to play - even if it meant starting at 7 PM.

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  9. I have to admit that most players can be assinine but they are out there to relax, not spout Shakespere - even if they could.

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  10. Churchill and Wilde both had tremendous command of the English language, if you are going to really, really, insult someone that is a necessity.

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  11. "Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense." --Robert Frost

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  12. I don't know if I can find a favorite - they're all quite witty. Unless you know Wlater Kerr was a dance critic you might not understand his quip.

    SW: I don't remember that one but it would be on the list. Very applicable for today.

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  13. One of my favorite insults comes from Blackadder, a British comedy show set in the 13th century -- a minor aristocrat is insulting another man:

    "You ride a horse rather less well than an other horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large, and the part of you that can't be mentioned -- I am reliably informed by ladies about the court -- wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be!"

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  14. Oh Infidel. Too funny. I'm enjoying the fact that people are coming up with other classy insults. I just wish I had the brains and literary know-how to zing someone with one of these.

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  15. Faulkner and Clark Gable were pals. A mutual friend said that it made perfect sense: Faulkner had never seen a movie and Gable had never read a book.

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  16. These are delightful. Here’s one I like: the late, great wit, Dorothy Parker of New York’s Algonquin Round Table, when told Calvin Coolidge had died: “How would they know?” Ms. Parker always answered her telephone, “What fresh hell is this?”

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  17. My favorite was Clarence Darrows.

    Oh, those were good!!!

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  18. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    Maybe, but from what I've read Hemingway was more fun to be around.

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  19. Frodo, feeling a little testy,Thursday, May 27, 2010 at 9:10:00 PM CDT

    The political aspirant stood astage while the audience grew increasingly hostile. Soon, they began to throw things. As a head of cabbage hit the stage and rolled to a stop at his feet he remarked "I see my opponent has lost his head."

    Five extra points for he/she who identifies the speaker without use of a keyboard.

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