Sandy Hook

Sandy Hook

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Carnival of the Animals: GOP Presidential Contenders

While listening to Saint-Saens' Carnival of the Animals recently, it wasn't too difficult to make the leap to Republican candidates running wild in the jungle. Maybe it's just the way my feeble mind works when bored with all the hee-hawing and ass kicking. The only problem is that with the exception of Ron Paul as a fossil or Michele Bachmann as a cuckoo, Saint-Saens' animals aren't particularly a good match.

Any connections to birds or hens or kangaroos represented in the Suite failed to conjure up images of Rick Perry, Newt Geingrich, Mitt Romney or Herman Cain. In a previous post called Roster of  Fishy Republicans, I'd already compared some right-wingers to the largest aquarium on the face of the earth. Of course, there is the elephant, but none of these two legged characters have the requisite long-term memory. Hell, most of them can't even remember what they said the day before.

I decided to look for some other kinds of critters - substitutes, if you will. Fortunately, good matches weren't too difficult to find but it does seem like an affront to the animals, if not downright cruel, to compare them to these Yahoos. So, with heartfelt apologies to non-human critters everywhere, I present you with my own carnival of animals.

Cute and fuzzy, they are one of the meanest animals on earth.
They are defiant and even abuse their mates.

Baa, baa little black sheep.

Many slithering salamanders (newts) secrete toxic fluid from their skin
 which can cause intense irritation to human mucous membranes.

The koala is a very slow animal, resting motionless for about
16 to 18 hours a day and sleeping most of that time.

Really, what I'm thinking is "rodent."

The afghan has lots of hair but is not the brightest of  dawgs.

An animal of many stripes.

Roy and Silo, a famous gay couple at the 
New York Central Park Zoo, 
were given the second egg of a mixed-gender couple 
after being observed trying to hatch a rock.
The happy pair hatched and raised a healthy female chick,
named Tango. 

The American Library Association reported that this children's book
was the most challenged book of 2006 to 2010,
except for 2009 when it was second.


  1. Great pairing of people and animals. Well done, Leslie.

  2. @Jerry: Thanks. Sometimes you have to take a break from the insanity or you start questioning your own.

  3. Excellent choices, though I would have made Perry a tyrannosaurus rex. The exaggerated bigness, the love of killing, the tiny brain, the swagger, the "hey, aren't those extinct?" reaction he inspires in people -- it's all there.

  4. @Infidel: Hah! Wish I had thought of that one but guess I was too focused on the hair and stupidity.

    @Anon: Thanks for stopping by and offering up your usual insight.

  5. I was too focused on the hair and stupidity

    Well, we now know that T-rexes actually had feathers. They must have looked completely ridiculous. Their prey was probably too busy laughing to run away.

  6. Funny! Perry could be the Koala too, he seems to fall asleep half way through the debates, guess the boring debaters have something to do with that too! I also like Romney as a chameleon, he changes his stance on the issues depending on who his audience is...

  7. @Infidel: I think they're absolutely creepy looking. When my youngest was into dinos years ago, T-Rexes were her favorite. I can't imagine why.

  8. @Sue: I actually did think of a chameleon for Romney but decided against it because they can be very colorful and Romney doesn't have an ounce of color in his entire being. Besides, Zebras are very mean critters.

  9. There are many, including the ones you so accurately likened to critters, who seem to believe God is only to be learned about by going to a certain kind of building and listening to retellings of the recorded wisdom of ancient soothsayers.

    In fact, in critters with birth defects, species going extinct and a changing climate, we're being sent timely messages about what "thou shalt not, if you know what's good for you," all the time.

    But hey, what's nature got to do with God or God's will, right? What could Rick Santorum, former senator and self-appointed arbiter of morality and right and wrong, possibly learn from a couple of penguins? What could Michelle Bachmann possibly learn from the mass kill-off of countless creatures, including 11 humans, in the Gulf of Mexico?

    It would be funny if the consequences weren't so real and so potentially disastrous.

  10. What a woeful state the world is in, and now the Tea Baggers in Congress want to pull the plug on PBS which means no more Sesame Street; and Big Bird will be out of work; and Kermit and Miss Piggy will no longer exchange dirty pictures; and the Cookie Monster will starve because speculators have driven up the price of commodities; and the Defense of Marriage Act means Bert and Ernie will have to live in sin. Worst part of all, I’ll I never get a chance to see the final episode … like whether or not the Count stops counting, and if I even understand it all.

    Like a really Big Bummer, man!

    Most of all, I’m sure gonna miss those silent EEEE cartoons that turn bits into bites, put hope in your hop and spine on your spin.

  11. @SW: "It would be funny if the consequences weren't so real and so potentially disastrous."

    Exactly, which is why we Dems need to get off our whiny posteriors and get to the polls and why the crazies on the right need to understand that OWS is about them, too.

    @Octo: I have to believe that no parents of young children, left or right, will stand by and let Congressional Tea Baggers kill off Sesame Street. After all, who's going to babysit the little kiddies while they talk on the phone?

  12. Leslie,
    ... and when blogging about those DURN Republicants, please remember your silent EEEs and put more spite in your spit.

  13. Nice job, Leslie! Congrats on the Crooks and Liars link, too!

  14. @Octo: More "spite in my spit?" I'm not sure I can offer up anymore "spite" than I already have.

    @Squatlo: Thanks. I'm always honored when I get linked from Crooks and Liars - or from anywhere else for that matter. . .

  15. Absolutely a must see. Phenomenal job, Leslie!

    Tks. Tatiana

  16. Thanks, Tatiana. We have to get our kicks where we can find them these days.

  17. As the Jurassic Park caretaker said to the velociraptor: "Clever girl."

  18. @BJ: Thanks. I rather enjoy making fun of these Yahoos.

  19. Frodo would feel better had the comparisons all been to cold-blooded creatures. Gingrich is more of a lizard, for example, and Michelle (my belle, she'll take the Republicant Party straight to Hell) is certainly cuckoo (and not necessarily for Cocoa Puffs).

  20. @Frodo: Good suggestions from you and others. Guess I don't know enough about the differences between the cold and warm blooded critters. : (

  21. How dare you defame and insult those lovely animals that way! Saying that politics is a zoo insults the zoo. Any zoo.
    I mean, really!

  22. LOL you're a funny one; and one with a sorta' funny blog.

    The creatures you mention aren't the cream of the crop but then who among the qualified would want that job!?

    The facts remain the facts and the stage of Republican hopefuls offers clearly offers at least one thing, as poor a selection the Republicans are offering, each and every candidate is ten times better qualified to lead than our current president.

  23. @Rob: I know, I know. :( But I did apologize to the animals in advance. Thanks for stopping by and please come back. I bookmarked your excellent blog "Chrome on the Range."

    @Chicken: I'm glad you find my blog so funny. I wish I could say the same about yours, but I fail to see the humor in posts like this:

    "A young Muslim kid can't find his mother in the supermarket.

    The store attendant asks "What does your mother look like?"

    The kid says "How the hell should I know?"

    Needless to say, I did not bookmark your blog.

  24. Chicken has no idea, apparently, that Muslim women who wear such heavy traditional dress in public out in public don't wear it in their homes. The child would of course know what his mother looked like. Such jokes are based on ignorance as well as hatred.

    Based on this, Chicken is probably likely to vote for whichever candidate hates Muslims the most and knows the least about them. I can see why he considers Obama 'unqualified' as Obama lacks this hatred of Muslims, and Obama knows a lot about them.

  25. @LeslieParsley: Our diversity is a part of what made the USA such an awesome place. I find that joke hilarious, you fail to see the humor in it, and dmarks enjoys analyzing it. Our diversity gives us all the freedom to take something different away from it.

  26. @dmarks: Long time no see. :)

    You're so right. If you visit his blog, you might see why he's only had 376 profile visits in over three years. LOL. Guess other people don't find him so very funny either. Even more interesting is that he's only had two comments since August. One was from a reader that also didn't care for his hate-filled, racist, ignorance. The other was from our resident troll, Lisa, who loves to flaunt her hate and stupidity on Sue's blog and anywhere else people can stomach her b.s. I guess she at least knows not to even stick her little toe in the door here. Hmmm, wonder if there's some sort of connection between the two. Ya think?

  27. @Chicken: "Our diversity gives us all the freedom to take something different away from it." True, and my diversity gives me the freedom to consider your "joke" unfunny, tasteless and demeaning. Your entire blog oozes with hate and tastelessness (just look at how you view women), so you are being more than disingenuous with your argument. You're wasting time here with your convoluted reasoning.

  28. I don't know if I would use Anti-Gay for Santorum.

    He wants to take away contraceptives. While anti-gay is one of my huge pet peeves, and something I have challenged many times, contraception is needed! I like gay people. They are usually happy, positive, and as a stereotype-able group, of superior quality.

    I don't like them as much as I like contraceptives, though.

  29. Leslie: Whatever my differences with President Obama and his views and policies, I support him for his understanding (knowledge) and sensitivity to Islam.

  30. @John: With Santorum, I had a hard time coming up with an animal that I detest as much as I do him. This took awhile to put together, and about the time I got to this sanctimonious little jerk, I was still seething from the debate where the audience booed the gay soldier. He is the ultimate homophobic and anyway, I couldn't find an animal wearing a chastity belt.

    @damarks: Thanks and I agree. He not only is understanding and sensitive to this issue, he has a heck of a lot more knowledge than most.

  31. very interesting how this chicken popped up outta nowhere!

  32. Excellent post!!!! Love Saint-Saens!!! Love your take on the GOP zoo parade!!!!!

  33. Herman Cain versus Barack Obama in 2012. I prefer the younger fellah.

    Cain and McCain make a lovely pair of bookends.

  34. Thanks all. Something to do that doesn't tax my brain. But why would anything about these Neanderthals tax one's brain, eh?

    "HERMAIN" CAIN??? Have you seen his latest ad? Oh. My. God. You have to watch it all the way to the very end.