Sandy Hook

Sandy Hook

Friday, January 08, 2010

The Bible over Alabama

Bradley Byrne is running hard in Alabama's gubernatorial primary. But the former Community College System Chairman keeps sticking his foot in his mouth and offending every Bible thumper in the heart of Dixie.

The priority here is not the economy, or education, or roads, or health care, or jobs. It's all about Byrne's views on the bible.

Back in November, the Mobile Press-Register quoted candidate Bradley Byrne as saying, “I believe there are parts of the Bible that are meant to be literally true and parts that are not.”

Oops. His Bible thumping opponents are lapping it up and it's not a statement that's likely to disappear any time soon. I can just see these prissed up southern belles at their Bible study saying, "I do declare. Why you know he's going to hell for not believing. Land's sake!"

The pot-bellied men are standing around in groups at the Sunday-go-to-meetin'-service. "Why that low down son-of-a-bitch. We ought to go out thar and tar and feather him."

It has followed Byrne everywhere, even to a Piggly Wiggly grocery store on Wednesday, where he held a press conference in front of the collard greens. He was there to announce his largest endorsement yet – this one from the 4,000-member Alabama Retail Association (ARA).

Executives of Ragland Brothers Retail Cos., Inc., which owns Piggly Wiggly, and the store’s chief financial officer and immediate past ARA chairman, Darrell Bourne, stood with Byrne while he thanked them for their support.

Byrne practically had a pig calling contest to "clear up the misunderstanding over his views on the Bible. He insisted he had been misquoted."
“I believe the Bible is true,” he said. “Every word of it.”

But these Bible thumpers aren't real quick to forgive. “To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.”  said American satirist Franklin P. Adams.

After The Huntsville Times ran a story about the news conference, several visitors to the paper’s Web site made it clear they would not support someone with suspect views about the Bible, regardless of the candidate’s positions on other, arguably more pertinent, issues.
“Just got a call from a person at my Church letting me know about this,” one commenter said. “My family will not be shopping at Ragland Piggly Wiggly stores anymore or anything else they own. I don’t shop at places that think it is OK to stand next to people who don’t believe the Bible is all true.”

So what happened to Separation of Church and State? What happened to Freedom of Religion? Aren't these guaranteed in the First Amedment? Do we even know what or where the First Amendment is? I think I've heard of it. Isn't it some sort of socialist document?


  1. Leslie: I do declare that the document you speak of could possibly be where they keep their stick…up their butts.

    I’d like to know WHO believes EVERYTHING the bible says? Talk about self-righteous hypocrites.

  2. The people who say they will not be shopping at Piggly Wiggly because the owners stand next to people who do not believe every word of the Bible is true, do not understand or are not aware of Separation of Church and State, or the First Amendment and it's connotations. All they know is the Bible, every blessed word. God help us.

  3. Oh, Lordy, Lordy, well I'll be damned (can't decide if I mean that literally or figuratively)!

  4. Oh Pam, let me introduce you to my family. God knows, I love them with all my heart but I know they think I'm a heathen on my way to hell.

    Holte: Interesting people aren't they. Link to rightswatch from my list. Their first post about the Texas School Board will blow your head off. I wrote about them a few months back.

    What scares me is that we're so focused on the screaming Tea Baggers that we forget there's a large silent-but-deadly group out there.

  5. TOO funny Leslie! reminds me of a fairweather friend from my old blogging days, she's a born and raised Alabama girl with a pastor Daddy. When she got a glimpse of my political blog she dropped me like a hot potato and haven't heard a word from her since! Alabamys got some weird folk down thar!

  6. I thought the Bible-thumpers WERE the teabaggers!

  7. "Every word of the bible is true". Which bible? There are several translations and versions. Are all of these true? Every word?

    God must be rolling over in her grave.

  8. I'm pretty sure all Bible Thumpers are Tea Baggers but doubt that all, but most, Tea Baggers are Bible Thumpers. From what I could tell from the photos, a lot of them are beer guzzlers.

    You guys have to pardon my typos and bad layout. The batteries died in my mouse and I'm reduced to using the touvh pad which I absolutely hate. I get frustrated and lose patience.

  9. Heidi again. Did ah just say "damned?" What ah meant to say is "Dayum." Where ahz come frum, wives and girlfriends can climb a tree faster than your cat.

  10. JC: You are a heretic, suh. "Her?"

    Heidi: Yeah, they're probably running from all them horny crackers.

  11. Oh Leslie, trust me, my family has been praying for my heathen soul too! Funny thing tough, as far as I know, I haven't committed any sins, according to the "ten commandments" that is, so I have NO idea what the heck they're prayin' for!

  12. Religious zealots give religion a bad name.They really do. I'm Christian and am truly embarrassed by the fundamentalists. To be completely blinded by an ideology be it religious or political renders your opinion null and void.
    Whoa that sounded pretty judgmental huh ?
    OK plug an "IMO" at the end of that.

  13. I love how, if you diss the good book (i.e., the Bible), you're on the express elevator to hell. You can diss the Qu'ran all you like, but the Bible, well, the Christian Taliban will NOT stand for that!

    Lemme know if you want me to save you a seat when I get there. There's always room for more down there!

  14. Leslie:

    Great post! The people of the Bible Belt will never, ever, understand the necessity for “separation of church and state.” Since you, too, live within its confines, you understand that for most of these people their small fundamentalist church is their only social and learning outlet.

    They want a theocracy in this country while denouncing Muslim theocracies. And, they don’t have the good sense to realize the discrepancy of thought.

    I am Christian and agree that fundamentalism gives Christianity a bad name.

    As for family, I once had a conversation with a niece who though I hung the moon. My ex-husband and I did a lot for this niece, giving her wonderful experiences she would not have enjoyed otherwise. She became a public school teacher and was telling me, “I’m going to teach my school kids the Bible; I don’t care what the federal government says.” I suggested that teaching might best be left to parents and church. She got mad at me and has had very little meaningful contact with me since. How sad is that?

    Since, I have never mentioned such things to family members. After all, under the First Amendment, they, too, have their rights.

    Still, it’s hard to understand WHY separation of church and state is so hard to understand, isn’t it?


  15. Pam: They're praying for your soul. Since you haven't been saved, which I always thought was up to God, you are considered a sinner. So, watch your step, girl.

  16. Oso: Christian zealots certainly diminish the meaning of Chritianity. I used to be on the advisory board of an Episcopal boarding school in east TN - a very learned group of people for the most part. We were writing the Mission Statement when a priest suggested that instead of "Christian" heritage, we use "Judaic-Christian" heritage because the word Christian had such a bad connotation. That was about 20+ years ago.

    Blind loyalty/opinions? I don't know if this renders an opinion null and void but it certainly "colors" it and I'm likely not to put much stock in it.

  17. Lisa: Not only that, but they have the audacity and the rudeness to push their religion in your face ALL the time. Because I feel that religion is such a personal matter and nobody else's business, I NEVER even bring it up, much less push my beliefs - such as they are - on someone else.

    When I returned to Nashville, God forbid, and was introduced to someone, the first thing they'd ask is, "Where do you go to church?" A thin disguise to find out if I had the right, no pun intended, beliefs.

    Anyway, when we all get there, we can sit in the bleachers and cheer for our side.

  18. BJ: You're so right. Not only is it their only social and learning outlet, I've always felt that their religion replaces something that is terribly missing in their lives. If it brings them comfort, so be it, but don't push it on others.

    I too have lost some friends over my blog, but so be it. They weren't friends in the first place. I try to avoid discussing religion with my family and when they try to insist, I change the subject, leave the room or just don't comment. I learned a long time ago that having an intelligent open discussion was like talking to the wall. The one thing I really hate is going out to eat and everyone holding hands and praying. To me, religion is just too private a matter and I'm simply uncomfortable with such public displays.

    They may yell about Consitutional rights but most don't even know what they're talking about. The Bible is the only document they believe in - depending on the parts and when.

  19. Frodo, everything is satisfactual,Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 9:54:00 AM CST

    The old joke is that Birmingham, Alabama, is "one hundred miles and two hundred years from Atlanta." Frodo questions both measurements from time-to-time.

  20. Unless you all visit my blog and buy loads of Turner Original Pocket T's you will be roasting in Hell.

    God revealed that to me. Now get your credit cards out and be saved!

  21. Well shucks. Just when I think how lucky I am that no trolls have been around. Then here comes Truth and you know what follows him around everywhere. . . .

    Sweetie, I'd love to buy a tee-shirt but I don't have a pot to hiss in these days.

    But I'm always delighted to have you stop by.
    Just don't bring anything with you.

  22. Make shur when them trollz come here, you have your afishal Trollz Dikshunairee, cuz thoz trollz dont no how to spel.

  23. Pam, that's funny. Nor can they write a simple 3-word sentence.

    My spelling isn't so hot all the time, but especially now. My fingers are worn out from this touch pad and I'm just too lazy to move up to the spell checker. I don't see how people use these dang things all the time.

  24. Mizzy Parsley, your fault. You started it, and weeze gonna f f f finish it:

    How ‘bout dem Bible thumpers,
    Ain’t they somethin’
    Bashing them doodle doubters
    And all that grumpin’

    How to bash a doodle doubter
    Don’t need a ticket.
    Get your dandy Bible handy,
    Jump from a thicket

  25. Well, since I'm burning in hell anyway...

    ROFL Octo!

    Leslie: I can't use those darn pads either, but I do use my spellchecker. Although my current post did have a typo (bog instead of blog) My 12 yr old found it!

    I fixt it befor one of them Trollz sez sumtin.

  26. Octo: Terrific - I love it. I could do a whole blog writing "southernese." When I started this thing up, I'd write an occasional Tennessee Tales. I think people thought I was joking!

    Pam: I don't think a troll would know the difference.